Calm After the Storm

Beckett at 5 weeks: An impromptu photoshoot on a lazy fall afternoon

Peek-a-boo:

Can't turn down an opportunity for a good babyfeet shot:

We've survived the first 2 months!  And what's that at the end of the tunnel?  Light?  Holy cow, it is!  Those first few weeks are rough, y'all.  Either my bird brain blocked it all out from the first go-around at motherhood, or Ben came out of the womb sleeping through the night.  Can't quite remember, but it's all fresh on the brain right now.  And hopefully another memory to get fuzzier and fuzzier as Beckett settles into a proper routine.  His acid reflux seems to be calmed by his uber-doses of medicine, and he seems to finally understand the concept of sleeping at night.  We've had a few good weeks of sleeping soundly, only to wake up briefly for midnight, 2 am, 4 am and 6 am feedings.  Sometimes just a 4 am and 6 am if we're lucky.  So that's been nice.  We may have given in to his insatiable desire for tummy time, day and night, despite the whole "back to sleep" campaign.  We are co-sleepers.  I've finally convinced Jacob that this is an OK concept, so Beckett snuggles in bed with us.  On his tummy.  Right under my nose so that Mama's intuition can kick in if anything goes awry in this position.  And don't worry naysayers, it's been pediatrician approved.  I fought it at first, with tight swaddles, singing songs, white noise machines.  He wanted none of it if it meant he had to be on his back.  And if he did manage to fall asleep this way, he'd wheeze and choke all night, waking himself, and of course, us up.  Over and over.  There were a few weeks there where I was convinced we needed a Shark Steam Cleaner for all of our linens and Time Life's Sounds of the 70's box set because I watched the infomercials all night long.  But since I turned him on his tummy, I haven't seen any television programming past Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.  Praise Jesus.

Ready for bed:

In our recent doctor visits, Beckett has weighed in and measured under the curve, in true Turner Baby fashion.  At his 1 month appointment, he was right at 10 pounds, 21 inches.  At 2 months, he was 12 pounds, 22.5 inches.  Officially in the 41st percentile for weight, and 15th for height.  But with deceptively chubby cheeks and thighs that makes you think otherwise.  His vertical challenge makes that 41st percentile look more like the 95th.  Sorry Beckett, you get it from your Mama!

Other happenings include adorable cooing and laughing at faces.  He is very aware of his environment and audience and knows exactly when he needs to work it for flattery and laughs.  His smile is officially intentional, and will absolutely light up a room.  He puts his whole face into it - his eyes smile and he opens his mouth to show that he's nothing but gums in there.  It's precious.  He still has his moments where he cries after all of his needs have been met, but they are very few and far between, and much shorter lived.  His brother has really started to respond to him, too.  When Beckett is crying, Ben will rush to his side and attempt to make him happy.  Today, he cried in his carseat after we returned from the park, so Ben found his blankie and draped it over him to comfort him.  He stopped crying immediately, but it was likely because Ben draped the blanket over his whole body, including his face.  But he meant well!  He even got a good petting from his big brother afterward.

The proudest big brother there is:

Hugs to the sleeping baby:

Two peas in a pod:

Beckett celebrated his first holiday, Halloween, by letting his mama dress him up like a baby cow.  Beckett and The Turners took on Downtown Hendersonville for some trick-or-treating and dancing in the street, and as expected, Beckett slept the whole time.  And came home and slept more.  And pretty much slept all through the next day, Ben's birthday party.  Turns out he was sick.  But nonetheless, an adorable baby cow.  And in related news, at 9+ weeks, Beckett is still nursing exclusively, and like a champ.  Go us!

 Mama cow and her baby calf, post milking:

Obligatory smooshy baby face:

November has brought us the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.  Things are starting to fall into place, Mama's hormones are slowly regulating, and baby is beginning to find his place in the Turner family.  We're on borrowed time, weather wise, seeing how it is late November and we're still enjoying mild temperatures most days.  Mama and her ducklings have traveled to the park nearly every day for a walk and some fresh air, which is nature's antidepressant.  It's really helped keep me out of a rubber room, and tuckers the babies out so that they are both nap-ready when we get home.  Double awesome.  That combined with a lot of extra sleep every night has given me a brand new outlook on life as a mom to two very little ones.  And hopefully that extra 20 pounds that wasn't Beckett, a placenta, or water weight will fall off in the process of pushing a double stroller.  But if the winter is as cold as the summer was hot, we might just put that plan on hold until spring.

Mama and Baby share a moment:

November Leaves.  Happy Beckett.

It doesn't get any better than this:

Two years and counting...

Two years ago today, I met Ben.  I'm not gonna lie, I was really drugged up.  But the one memory that stands out from that day was the overwhelming feeling of love I had for that beautiful baby boy.  8 pounds and 11 ounces of pure perfection.  In some ways I feel like I blinked and was teleported to his 2nd birthday party, and in other ways, I feel like he's always been here.  He's my little buddy, and I can't believe he's two!

To back up, the last 6 weeks have been lots of fun, and full of transitions.  Ben welcomed his baby brother, Beckett into the family, and has changed his mind on how he feels about him a few times.  I think he's finally settled into the idea of having a baby brother, and has even been sweet with him a time or two.  Though these moments are short lived, I'm happy to witness the beginnings of a hopefully awesome relationship.  Ben has been so sweet and wonderful through the transition.  He continues to amaze me every day with his unbelievable patience and independence.  For being so young, he has done such an awesome job at handling the fact that Mama's attention is suddenly split between two babies.  And sometimes one demands more than the other.  I've been incredibly lucky in that respect.

Ben admires his little brother in a wagon:

Exhausted, but sticking it out:

Minutes later, calm and cool:

Giving hugs to an unsuspecting napper:

We haven't done too much in the last few weeks.  Having a newborn in the house makes travel, even to the grocery store, nearly impossible.  We've done a lot of cartoon watching, playing with toys, and keeping Beckett quiet and happy.  He's benefited from tons of visits from Grammie and Grandpa over the weeks, and has even visited with Auntie M a couple times.  This has been a real treat, and he's always sad to see them go.  He's developed a habit of blocking the door from his visitors leaving if he really disagrees with their departures.  But will always see his guests out and will say goodbye properly with either the traditional "buh-bye" or his newest send-off, "Bahhhh!".  He picked that one up from his more southern family members. We traveled to the mountain house for a weekend in early October to celebrate Aunt Nette's birthday and to share Beckett with family.  Ben enjoyed playing with his Mimi and aunties, and was happy to get back up there after being away for a couple months.  

He also got the surprise of his life and traveled to Charlotte to see Yo Gabba Gabba live and schmooze with the cast members after the show!  He was in such shock, he couldn't even smile through the show.  He just stood there, wide-eyed and with his mouth half open.  Afterward, he sat in a small circle, just a few feet away from DJ Lance Rock as he read them a story, and got to meet all the Gabbas including his favorite, Foofa.  She blew him a kiss and he smiled from ear to ear.  It was awesome!   

The magical moment:

Close to home, he's enjoyed a few trips to the local parks and even went on a hike with Mama and Daddy a couple weekends ago.  He rode in his carrier for the first time in months, and seemed to enjoy hitching a hands-free ride through the forest.  

A hike through Bent Creek Experimental Forest:

We've seen lots of new development from Ben over the last few months.  Physically, he's hit a growth spurt and put on a pound and an inch or two.  He's still wearing most of the clothes he wore this time last year (bonus for us, we get to reuse his winter clothes!), but we've added some bigger sizes with the hope that he'll grow into them before the season is through.  He's also really blossomed socially.  He is definitely more eager to play with others, and has ditched parallel play for more interactive fun.  Levi has been over a time or two, and they've met in various places for playtime which has been so good for Ben.  Not only does he love to see his best friend, but he learns a lot when they are together.  And Levi is so patient and sweet with Ben.  They truly have a special relationship.  Ben's verbal communication is really taking off.  His vocabulary is now more like 20 or 30 words, and he is usually willing to try new words.  Sometimes he'll even try a two-word sequence, which is brand new and really impressive!  And his Mimi worked hard on teaching him gesturing.  This is a developmental milestone that he pretty much skipped a year ago, and is apparently an important one.  So we've really encouraged him to point out things like body parts, pictures in books, etc.  And he does this very willingly now.  We still haven't started with speech therapy, but this should be coming together in the next few weeks.  In the meantime, we're working hard at home, and watching his expressive communication blossom.

So back to his birthday celebrations.  Ben's birthday weekend fell on Halloween again.  So being half thrifty and half lazy, we decided to throw another Halloween-themed birthday party for him.  The night before his party, we all went to downtown Hendersonville for a bit of trick-or-treating and a dance party.   We even coached him on saying "trick or treat", which he rehearsed pretty well, but forgot to say every time he presented his bag for some candy.  Ben dressed up as his hero, DJ Lance Rock.

Ben as DJ Lance and Beckett as a little calf - downtown Hendersonville:

The next afternoon, we had a very small celebration at our house attended by just family and our besties.  It was small but fun, and Ben ended up with lots of cool presents and a nice stash to put away for his college fund.  He partied hard, ate way too much candy and junk food, and squirmed at cake time again.  He did, however, eat a slice of cake with icing.

Ben and a little help from his friends:

Today was his actual birthday.  We hung out around the house and detoxed from the weekend's festivities.  He played with the toys he scored yesterday, watched his new DVDs, and hung out with Grammie and Grandpa for most of the afternoon.  Tonight, we went to Cracker Barrel for dinner and Ben had a big birthday pancake.  He didn't even melt down at the restaurant like he's been known to do. We came home and ate more birthday cake, icing and all, and had a really nice day.  For me, it's been a day of reflection over the last two years.  It didn't hit me when Ben turned 1 that he wasn't a baby anymore.  It's hit me hard tonight.  Maybe because I have a newborn in the house, and can look at him and clearly remember Ben at that age like it was yesterday.  He is such an amazing little guy, and we've had so much fun over the last two years.  Looking forward to many, many more!

Life with a Newborn

Beckett tries to focus - 4 weeks:

Trying to grab the camera:

5 weeks and all's well!  Busy, but well.  It's not been that long since a newborn has been in this house, but bringing home Beckett made us realize how much we'd forgotten about the early weeks.  The sleeplessness, the spit up, the neverending poopy diapers.  The memories we have of our first attempt at parenthood are fuzzy, and laced with nothing but the good parts.  Beckett is full of those too.  I'm enjoying the warm, cuddly baby naps on my chest and the late night nursing sessions where everything is quiet and still but me and my baby boy.  It's been wonderful.  Fuzzy, due to the lack of sleep, but wonderful.  Beckett is a sweet boy and is settling quite well in the Turner household.

In 5 weeks, we've had a few doctor visits and an ER visit to monitor his jaundice and his acid reflux problems.  Beckett is a yellow vomit machine.  Yellow initially because he was born early.  This is apparently very common with babies born prior to 38 weeks.  He continues to be yellow, the doctor says, because of something in my breastmilk that makes him that way.  It's not harmful, but he'll continue to have a little bilirubin in his system for a few months.  And maybe even longer, because he comes from a long line of yellow people.  His Mama and Grandpa both have a genetic disorder that make them a little yellow too.  Time will tell.  The acid reflux has been an adventure in spit up and expensive prescriptions.  We were quick to diagnose him at home, remembering his big brother's symptoms of retching, arching his back, and screaming in pain after burps.  So two weeks after birth, we were sitting in the doctor's office, begging for a script.  And again a week later to ask for the good stuff.  We seem to have taken the edge off, as evidenced by longer sleeping patterns and less screaming, but the spit up is still plentiful and staining good shirts by the hour.

Reflux hurts:

The sleepless nights come and go.  A good night of sleep with a breastfed newborn means you'll be up about every 2 hours to nurse, burp, change and repeat.  Pretty easy when your baby agrees with the schedule.  Not so much when your newborn thinks it's party time after every meal.  And by "party time" I mean "scream at the top of your lungs" time.  So we'll have nights like that, followed by nights where he'll give us a break.  We don't consider what we do to be sleeping in the early stages anyway.  We'd like to think of our sleep patterns as "a series of short naps" for weeks on end.  The first month is the hardest.  After that, it's not necessarily that you're getting more sleep, you're just getting used to the deprivation.  Oh, and that cute advice that EVERY seasoned mother likes to share "sleep when the baby sleeps"?  All moms know what I'm talking about.  Not only is it crap, but it doesn't apply to moms with a toddler in the house too.  So I'm embracing the dark circles under my eyes and constant confusion because I don't have a choice.  All for a good cause though.

Beckett is adorable.  His newborn hair is starting to thin out (on his head AND his back) and his eyes are starting to change colors.  To what, I don't know yet, but he's slowly changing from newborn scrunchy-face Beckett to baby boy Beckett.  I feel like I blinked and he changed.  An ongoing curse of motherhood - your babies grow up faster than you are comfortable with.  But he is just as scrumpy as could be.  His development over the last 5 weeks has been amazing.  He's started making eye contact, reaching for things, noticing things in his environment and even smiling intentionally!  He also coos (when he's not screaming) which is super cute.  He seems to be a mama's boy and will almost always soothe as soon as he's in my arms, so we're like peas and carrots for 23 hours every day.  We've been co-sleeping for everyone's sanity, mostly because the only place he'll actually sleep is with his cheek pressed up against my skin, but I'm secretly loving every minute of it.  Snuggling with my tiniest one is a pretty special thing. 

"I wish you could put your ear up to my heart and hear how much I love you"

He hasn't really noticed Ben, unless he's staring him in the face, presenting the threat of either dumping him onto the floor or petting him nicely.  I can almost see him tense up with anticipation for what's next when Ben is close to him.  He's learned from past experiences (unfortunately) that Ben is capable of being sweet, and not so sweet as he gets used to "The Interloper".  This is getting better every day though.  And speaking of Ben, Beckett is like a younger, darker version of his big brother.  Check out the resemblance:

Ben at 1 month:

Beckett at 1 month:

Bros pose on a warm September day:

In addition to immediate family snuggles, Beckett has enjoyed tons of grandma, grandpa and auntie love in his 5 weeks here.  We've had a few Turner visits, both here and in the mountains, where Beckett has loved on his Mimi and Poo, his Aunt Nette and Uncle Johnny, and his Auntie Lala and Madi.  And they are all very serious about Beckett time.  They will arm wrestle over who is next.  This kid is loved.  And when he's returned to his mama, his hair smells like a mix of everyone's perfumes.  Something to remember them by.  Beckett's Grammie, Grandpa and Aunt Megan have also made regular visits for snuggle time.  Gram has practically made it a daily routine to cuddle with Beckett in the rocking chair, mostly because he's awesome, but a little bit because Mama needs a break sometimes.  It's been very nice.

So the party of 4 has survived the first month!  Experience tells us that it only gets easier from here.  The bittersweet journey of simultaneously wishing for new milestones (like the sleep through the night one!) and wishing the clock would slow down begins.  We're savoring all the sweet baby moments with our little man because we know how fast they go. 



Adventures of a Big Brother

Dear Ben,

Congratulations, Boo Bear - you are officially a BIG brother!  The 40 (37) week countdown is over, and now a new adventure starts: brotherhood.  You have been such a trooper all year long, putting up with a sick Mommy, a cranky Mommy, and a very big version of Mommy throughout the months.  You've never protested when Cheerios were presented as breakfast 13 days in a row, or dinner consisted of cheese and crackers because Mommy couldn't pull it together enough to prepare something appropriate.  You've played quietly and independently when Mommy was too big to get on the floor with you, and slept in most mornings as if you knew you were giving a precious gift.  I am so thankful for these things, baby - thank you for being patient with me.

Throughout the months, you've come to understand what was happening.  At first, though understandably, you had no idea what was happening.  We told you about your little brother before my belly told the world.  As your brother grew, you became curious.  We named Beckett around the time that my pants changed to the kind with elastic waistbands, so you've been familiar with his name for awhile.  We referred to the belly as "baby" and "brother" and it seemed that sometime in the 8th month, the idea clicked for you.  You hugged my belly every morning, and kissed it goodnight before bed.  When I asked you "Where's Beckett?", you'd lift your shirt and pat your own belly first before patting mine gently and sweetly.  You loved him before you even met him.

Our last day together as a twosome - me and you - was uneventful but wonderful.  I wasn't feeling particularly hot, so I layed in bed most of the day.  Neither of us knew it would be our last day, just me and you, but we spent it cuddling in bed and taking it easy.  You took a 4 hour nap that day.  In fact, I had to wake you up to get you ready for Grandpa before I headed to the hospital.  Once I learned that Beckett would be coming, you came to visit me in the hospital.  You saw me laying in my hospital bed, hooked up to monitors and getting prepped for surgery and smirked at me, almost knowingly.  You even laughed a few times when you approached my bed.  I swear you knew what was happening. 

You've been such a good big brother since you and Beckett officially met on Saturday.  You came into the hospital room with your Aunt Madi and locked eyes on him, and then proceeded to ignore him for the rest of the visit.  We considered this a success, because you pretty much acted like nothing was different.  The next day, you even crawled up next to him and gave him a hug.  You've been really good since we've all been home together, and while it's obvious you know that something is permanently different, you've transitioned really, really well.  We're so proud of you.

You don't know it yet, but your brother is the most awesome gift we could have ever given you.  You and he are 22 months apart.  You're going to share your room, your toys and your friends with him, and both of you will have a best friend for life.  It doesn't seem like it right now, I know, but these are all good things. 

Thank you so much for being so BIG.  You are going to be the best big brother ever.  My heart has grown big enough to fit both of you in it neatly, but always know that you are extra special because you are my first born. And ultimately the reason that the event of welcoming your little brother into the world has been so easy.  I love you, Boo.

Love, Mama